heart's desire

George Bernard Shaw once wrote; 'There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart's desire, the other is to gain it.' Clearly, Shaw had his heart broken once or twice."
As far as I’m concerned, Shaw had NO CLUE! 'Cause you know what? Tragedies happen. What're you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive. 'Cause you are, and that pain you feel: it's life. The confusion and fear.. that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better. And that something is worth fighting for.
This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for.. but, in a way, I lost even more.
BUT...Shaw was right: as we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our lives better: money, things, babies..... we ignore what truly matters -- the simple things: like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had.
So, Mr. Shaw thinks that getting your hearts desire is a tragedy? I say he’s wrong. I mean, clearly, Shaw never met Eric Rivet...
Yeah, losing your heart’s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart’s desire... It’s all you can hope for. This year, I wished for a family. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic… then give me tragedy. Because, I wouldn’t give it back for the world...

Knowing is better than Wondering.

 A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity by the way.... You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of knowing, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying. 

It will happen... it will.

Going through these past couple of days was hard... and to think i wanted to not go to the doctors.. i didnt want to deal with what could be happening to me.. i was too HAPPY! I was sharing my JOY with the rest of the world already.. and to have that taken away..  scared me. Its hit me that i cant wait, it was not fair, to me or eric. I understand that there was nothing i could do, that it was in cards. But i didnt want to deal with it. i didnt want to find out that day.. just push it off. but i really thought abotu it.. and read that qoute from Mr. Franklin and it hit me. That knowing is better then wondering.