Serendipity

So, today i woke up and found all my old journals from high school, and after high school.. i mean i graduated in 2004.. holy hell. ugh. and WOW... how my life as turned out to be just what i wanted.. and a little different then what was expected. 



every year around my birthday in my journal i would write about what i want or learned about myself. almost like bullet points of what i believe. after reading these i thought i havent done this in 5 years... time to catch up. 


*my life has done a complete 360 * my family are my WORLD, i would do anything for them * my little brother is my real best friend * i truly have married the man of my dreams * i DO have a huge heart, i try to look for good in people * im shy... no but really.. * i have high standards * i notice and understand people hate to see you/things change, even if it benefits you *i can get jealous *i can make you laugh *i still believe EVERYTHING happens for a reason *everyone in life will be broken at one point, and that is o.k. *i do make mistakes, still making mistakes, but regret nothing *i get overly excited * i learned your smile can change... looking at yourself with no front teeth changes a lot *i don't trust easily *music is equal to love * i break away from friends *i depend on eric a lot. (big change from being so independent) * im pregnant and already LOVE this child with alllll my heart. * i have priorities in my life and they are ever changing 


life has changed from 16 to 25.. but still the Quote i loved then i still LOVE now. 


"life is not a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences but rather a tapestry of event that culminate in a exquisite, sublime plan"


in other words, everything happens for a reason. nothing is random. dreams, a relationship not working out, and enemy, the shape of the cloud you happen to be looking at in the sky, a stranger who leaves a lasting impression. anything. there are signs places everywhere. its up to you  to know how to recognize them, and decide what to make of it. not to say i believe in pre-destination, because is thats the case.... then whats the point of getting out of bed every morning?? instead, i believe that maybe every choice we make changes our destiny, if that makes any sense.. kind of like the butterfly effect. 


Everyone has different opinions. i just get comfort in the notion that there is more to life than just empty randomness. make what you want of it. 

2006

2011

14 weeks

How far along? 14 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 3.5 lbs 

Maternity clothes? really want maternity leggings.. but dont really need anything yet.. its winter. layering is good. 

Stretch marks? no

Sleep: body pillow and heating pad help A LOT!

Best moment this week: went a couple days without a headache! 

Have you told family and friends: YES!

Miss Anything? umm, sucking it in.... lol. 

Movement: I swear I felt something this week!! A few different times I felt a fish-swimming-in-my-belly feeling that made me very aware of my stomach. Definitely not gas... potentially my imagination.

Food cravings: freanch toast.. and lemons squeezed on my fries at work... 

Anything making you queasy or sick: hamburgers.. 

Have you started to show yet: my chubbyness as now turned harder... 

Gender prediction: hoping for a girl.. but keep having dreams about a boy. 

Labor Signs: no

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy!

Looking forward to: Finding out the gender & feeling the baby move!

We have been working on getting the baby room ready! took some before pictures today.. eric took done the old room wall paper.. still havent decided on a exact color.. but im sticking with the grayish tones. so it would go for boy or girl.. been addicted to looking at baby room furniture. i just cant decide on black or white baby crib.. so difficult. 

wall color choices 

white.

or dark... 

help please!


p.s HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST BROTHER EVER!!!

12 weeks.

How far along? 12 Weeks, 
Total weight gain/loss: 3.5 lbs 
Maternity clothes? one maternity sweater.. not gonna lie.. when at home i LIVE in it. 
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: In the late afternoon I get pretty tired, but getting better sleeping through the night. 
Best moment this week: Our Ultrasound! Getting to see the little one!
Have you told family and friends: Yes!
Miss Anything? not having to take so many vitamins 
Movement: Not yet
Food cravings: Oranges, french toast, J Dawgs Hot dogs
Anything making you queasy or sick: at work the smell of mustard, snot in the back of my throat. 
Have you started to show yet: A little bump so far - basically looks like I ate a few too many cupcakes, which is typically the case
Gender prediction: Girl!!!
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! at night before bed moody..
Weekly Wisdom: Take vitamins at night before BED! so not so nausea's through out the day!
Looking forward to: Getting a bigger bump & finding out the gender! :)

Been on a baby room CRAZE! pinterest by far has been the most addicting thing in my life. 

Christmas came early..

Our Christmas present came early...

It was the most exhausting week of my life.. thinking that maybe moving into our NEW house.. parents coming to visit within the first 2 weeks of moving.. then Thanksgiving with the BEST mother-in-law in town.. plus working like crazy to get some extra cash for Christmas. Of course i didn't think i was pregnant. Until, the great morning sickness started. Yup, i was one of those people who was in denial that i could actually be pregnant. 

Although we were completely shocked at first, we are both BEYOND excited to have a baby & feel so blessed!! 

So bring on the ginger ale, crackers, and mmmm oranges are just the best things right now. So i scheduled and initial consultation and first doctors appointment with a new OBGYN. she Confirmed. 

First MOST AMAZING THING is we heard the heart beat. It was just as if a train was coming into the room, so fast and just AMAZING! Then the nest day we got to get an ultrasound. SEEING IS JUST BELIEVING! 

  

heart's desire

George Bernard Shaw once wrote; 'There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart's desire, the other is to gain it.' Clearly, Shaw had his heart broken once or twice."
As far as I’m concerned, Shaw had NO CLUE! 'Cause you know what? Tragedies happen. What're you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive. 'Cause you are, and that pain you feel: it's life. The confusion and fear.. that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better. And that something is worth fighting for.
This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for.. but, in a way, I lost even more.
BUT...Shaw was right: as we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our lives better: money, things, babies..... we ignore what truly matters -- the simple things: like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had.
So, Mr. Shaw thinks that getting your hearts desire is a tragedy? I say he’s wrong. I mean, clearly, Shaw never met Eric Rivet...
Yeah, losing your heart’s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart’s desire... It’s all you can hope for. This year, I wished for a family. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic… then give me tragedy. Because, I wouldn’t give it back for the world...

Knowing is better than Wondering.

 A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity by the way.... You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of knowing, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying. 

It will happen... it will.

Going through these past couple of days was hard... and to think i wanted to not go to the doctors.. i didnt want to deal with what could be happening to me.. i was too HAPPY! I was sharing my JOY with the rest of the world already.. and to have that taken away..  scared me. Its hit me that i cant wait, it was not fair, to me or eric. I understand that there was nothing i could do, that it was in cards. But i didnt want to deal with it. i didnt want to find out that day.. just push it off. but i really thought abotu it.. and read that qoute from Mr. Franklin and it hit me. That knowing is better then wondering.  

There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction

No one believes that their life will turn out just kind of okay. We all think we are going to be great. And from the day we decide to BE great, we are filled with expectation. Great expectations of who we will be, where we will go. And then... we get there. We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met. But sometimes expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still, the expected is just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives.


Do you ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life altering? Is it four years like high school? One year? A summer? Can your life change in a month, or a week, or a single day? We're always in a hurray to grow up, to go places, to get ahead. And when you're young, one moment can change everything.. but If you could go back and change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Or would you choose an entirely different plan?

The thing about plans is they don't take into account the unexpected, so when we're thrown a curve ball in life, we have to improvise. Of course, some of us are better at it than others. Some of us just have to move on to plan B, and make the best of it. And sometimes what we want is exactly what we need. But sometimes, sometimes what we need is a new plan..

We have to constantly come up with new ways to fix ourselves. So we change, we adapt. We create new versions of ourselves. We just need to be sure that this one is an improvement over the last

My life is changing… I don’t think it was suppost to change how it did in someways… I belive when people realize what choice I have made and understand the truth they will be happy me...... for us. And see the happiness i share with Eric everyday. To see the choices we are making to shape our future. The struggles we go through , the challenges, the unexpected... I pray everyday with all my heart for the strength to carry on when everything feels it has gone wrong… it wont be easy. It is never ment to be. But i see the light at the end of our tunnel. Soon, we will have what we have been working for. Our plan.. is just starting... I am the happiest I have ever been... what a change.